


There's An Empty Feeling That You Can't Forget

by IvyYara



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Love, M/M, Romance, Set in the early 80's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 05:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19716811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvyYara/pseuds/IvyYara
Summary: Roger thinks he found the person he had been looking for, but gets a surprise he can't deal with right away. He knows he made a mistake, can he fix it?





	There's An Empty Feeling That You Can't Forget

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, I'm back? I know some of you have been waiting for me to update my other unfinished story, but I'm still a bit stuck with it, but its being worked on. In the time being I needed to get my mind on something else, so then this happened. Anyways here with a little something that had been in my mind for a while, decided to write it down. 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy, I have no idea how fast this will be updated... This will start out a bit angsty... but don't worry its all going to turn into fluff (I don't do bad endings). Let me know what you think, should I continue this? I always like to hear your thoughts. <3
> 
> Or if you feel like talking send me a message on Tumblr (same username)

Chapter One

He blinked when the door opened, he only saw for a very short moment, but it was enough for him to be completely stunned. The door was then closed again. Something was being said to him, but it didn’t reach his ears, it was muffled. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He felt panic well up inside him. He didn’t know why he was panicking exactly, but he did and he knew he couldn’t do this.

He hated this, hated that he was being a jerk, because god knew how much he longed for something like this, to feel like he belonged somewhere or rather to someone. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, maybe this wasn’t the right time, or the right person? That thought made his heart ache… he wanted him to be the right person. But as much as he wanted it to work out, he still needed to run away from him. 

“Roger, can you hear me out… I wanted to tell you…”

The voice sounded pleading, but still calm. But he didn’t even listen, his mind and body were completely set on leaving. He buttoned up his shirt, but only half way. He stepped past the person blocking his way, not meeting his eyes, because he knew he would cave if he looked into those eyes. He opened the door again that had just been closed.

“Roger, wait...” 

He stumbled down the stairs, where he now noticed all the signs, the signs he should have seen before. The pictures, the coat on the coat rack, the shoes; that were hardly men shoes. Maybe he just didn’t want to see, maybe he blocked them from his mind, because he was so infatuated with this man. He couldn’t look at it any longer and made it further down the stairs, he had the urge to look back at the person calling for him; who was telling him to wait, deep down he wanted to, to listen to what he had to say, letting him explain, but for some reason he couldn’t. _Why couldn’t he do it?_

From the window in the door he could see it was raining, he took his coat that was still hanging on the railing on the stairs where he had left it when entered the house. He didn’t notice his scarf fell down; being in too much of a haste to get out of there. He put on his coat as fast as he could. He put his hand on the door handle ready to open it. 

“Roger.” The voice was soft, but full of sadness.

He reached out to touch him but seemed to decide against it. Roger paused, his voice, the calm sound that had become so familiar to him, the voice he longed to hear all day and every day. But now he didn’t know if he would hear it ever again. He resisted the urge to look back and opened the door and walked straight into the rain, not caring if he got soaked to the bone. Right when he walked down the path that lead to the street, he knew he made a mistake, but being as stubborn as he was, he didn’t turn back and kept walking not even sure where he was going.

***

John stood there in the door opening, seeing Roger’s retreating back in the distance. He sighed and closed the front door. He saw the scarf that lay on the floor, which Roger forgot and picked it up, he swallowed and hung it on the coat rack.

He sat down at the bottom of the stairs and buried his face in its hands. How did things get so wrong so quickly. Roger had stood on his doorstep; he knew it wasn’t the best time, but he was weak and let him in anyway. How could he ever deny him anything, he didn’t think it was too risky, but he hadn’t foreseen this to happen.

He had been sitting on the steps for about fifteen minutes, when he heard stumbling upstairs, and heard the familiar footsteps coming up the hallway that lead to the stairs.

“Daddy?” a small voice asked.

John looked up when he heard the little voice that could make every bad thought he had disappear in a second. “Yes, darling…” his voice cracked. He cleared his throat, “daddy is coming.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes before he looked over his shoulder, big green eyes staring back at him with worry. His heart sank and he stood up and quickly made it up the stairs.

He knelt down next to his daughter and gave a small smile. She looked back at him with her eyes still filled with worry, it made his heart sink.

“Did you fall?” she asked.

John frowned, a bit confused, “no daddy didn’t fall sweetheart, why?”

She reached up to touch his cheek, “because your face is wet… you cried, I cried when I fell at school last week.”

John didn’t know what to say, he touched the small hand that touched his cheek, she was right, his face was still a bit wet.

“Are you sad?” she asked.

He couldn’t possibly explain this to a five year old, he took a deep breath and took her hand in his, he showed her a small smile, “yes… daddy is a little sad, but that’s okay, we can be sad sometimes… but we have to get you to bed, it’s way past your bedtime little miss.” He said and tapped the tip of her nose gently.

She didn’t seem to be very convinced, “I’m not tired.” She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

John chuckled, “I will make you a deal… I’ll read you another bedtime story and after that you will go to sleep?”

Her eyes lit up and she eagerly nodded. John stood up and lifted her up to carry her to her bedroom. She had already been in bed, when Roger came to the house, that’s why John thought it would be alright. But she had a bad dream and came to his room to look for him. The look on Roger’s face was his worst nightmare. Dating was hard enough as a single dad, but Roger’s reaction was why he didn’t tell the men he dated straight away. He also didn’t feel like he needed to, most of the time the men weren’t worth it. But this time he felt like he found someone he connected to on a different level. They hadn’t known each other for that long but the few times they met it was nothing he ever experienced before.

From the first moment he noticed Roger, he had been enamoured with him; he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He was at the bar he frequently went to, but never before had he seen him there. That first time he saw him nothing happened, they didn’t even speak. They only crossed eyes for a moment, before Roger left the bar. He didn’t think he would ever see him again. John went to the bar the next day in the hopes of seeing him again, and for whatever reason he was there, sitting at the exact same spot as the day before. Nothing happened again even though John was sure he had seen Roger glance at him a couple of times.

John didn’t act on his curiosity either that second night, because he would have never dreamed someone as beautiful as Roger to have an interest in him. When Roger was there again the third night, he really wondered if the universe was telling him something. But when neither of them had struck up a conversation, John had gotten up and walked towards him, feeling like his heart would jump out of his chest. From the moment he talked to him that night he was hooked and had been thinking about how he would tell him about his daughter.

But Roger’s spontaneous visit tonight had thrown him off and didn’t give him the chance to think anything through. He had let him in against his better judgement. He wondered how things would have played out if he hadn’t. Would Roger have been more understanding? It didn’t matter anymore… he was gone, and he probably wouldn’t come back. He had hoped things would be different this time. He looked at the little girl he had put in bed again, she was his whole life and he would do anything for her. He wouldn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t handle that part of his life, but still there was something he was missing, and he thought Roger was that part.

She pulled on his sleeve, “daddy? A story… you promised.”

He pushed the thoughts out of his head and smiled at her, “yes I did… which story do you want to read?”

“The one about the fairy princess.” She said and she hugged her teddy bear a little closer in her arms.

“Fairy princess it will be.” He nodded as he took the book off the bedside table and sat down next to her on the bed, she leaned her head against his arm and watched as he opened the book, the one they read together many times. He read her the story until they both fell asleep, the book still open on his lap.

John woke up in the middle of the night. He blinked and saw her still leaning against him fast asleep. He gently got up, trying not to wake her. She made some sleepy sounds, but didn’t wake her up, he laid her down properly and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead and turned off the light. He softly made his way to the hallway, he looked back at her again, “good night, Ellie.” He whispered and closed the door behind him.

***

Roger didn’t know how he got there, but he entered the bar drenched, his hair sticking against his forehead. He was shaking like a leaf, but he didn’t care. He didn’t know what he was even doing there, but there he was. He sat down at the bar and ordered a whiskey, if he was going to wallow in self-pity, he should at least do it well.

He knew he was being an idiot and that he probably ruined the greatest thing that happened to him in a long time. This was the bar where he saw John, he looked at the spot where he was sitting when he first saw him enter the bar.

_Roger was sitting at the bar, a glass of whiskey in his hand, swirling the liquid around. He was alone, he never been at this bar even though it was really close to his flat. He had seen multiple people coming and going, sometimes alone… sometimes with someone else. He had only gotten up to get a new pack of smokes out of the vending machine._

_He was looking around the bar, something he liked to do; observing, seeing the different kinds of people, maybe noticing someone he might be interested in. It was beginning to get crowded as the night progressed and the music was being turned up. It was obvious people knew he was new at the bar, because many men and women had tried to offer him a drink and he all politely declined._

_The night went on and nothing special happened, he didn’t even know why he was still there. He pressed out his cigarette in the ashtray, putting on his coat, deciding he had waisted enough time at this place. As he got up and was putting on his coat, he saw him enter the bar as he looked straight at him._

_He had something about him, mysterious even. Shy yet also confident in a way, Roger couldn’t explain it, but the moment he saw him he couldn’t keep his eyes off him. He realised he had been staring, because their eyes met for just a few seconds, but he could see the corners of his lips lift up just a little, a smile that reached his greenish grey eyes._

_Somewhere in his early 30’s, maybe a little younger than him, his short brown wavy hair looked soft and Roger wanted to put his hands through it, just to know how it would feel. He had a small frame, but Roger could see he was slightly taller than him. He was wearing simple jeans, with a button up and a leather jacket, which Roger thought suited him well. Roger was the first to divert his eyes, which wasn’t anything like him, he was confident and charismatic, had no problem of stepping up to people, but something about this man made him nervous._

_He didn’t see the small smile that tugged at the other man’s lips as he averted his eyes. Roger let out a small breath when he passed him, and he could smell his cologne; a warm woody scent. A scent he would only associate with him from now on._

_Roger wanted to talk with him, but all of a sudden, he lost the ability to think of how he could strike up a conversation. He was still standing there with his jacket half on, looking like an idiot. He sat back down on his stool and turned his head slightly to see the man standing in the corner talking to another man._

_Jealousy struck him, which was stupid, he didn’t know him. He shook his head and got up again to really leave this time. He didn’t look back, completely missing the other man staring at him as he left the bar._

Roger sighed remembering that first time he saw John and how he went back again the next two nights, in the hopes of seeing him again. He smiled remembering how John was the one coming up to him that third night he went back to the bar, he had decided he would finally pluck up the courage and talk to him. But John had beat him to it, much to his amusement.

_He was sitting at the same spot again, where he could see the people coming and going, waiting for that familiar brown head of hair to get through those doors. His heart skipped a beat when he finally saw him enter, and he could have sworn he smiled at him. He quickly averted his eyes again, acting like his drink was suddenly very important. He was actually getting a little bit anxious with this little dance of theirs. Maybe he was all imagining it?_

_But tonight, was different, the same scent he smelled the first night was now very close and he turned his head as he noticed someone sitting next to him at the vacant bar stool. That’s when blue met grey-green eyes. He felt like he lost his breath for a second._

_“I could say I haven’t seen you here before, but then I would be lying.” He said with a small smile._

_Roger smiled and couldn’t keep his eyes off him, “I decided I would talk to you tonight.” He confessed._

_“Did you really?”_

_“Don’t believe me?”_

_The sound of his soft laugh was something Roger would never forget either, it was a sweet sound and it instantly made him happy. Not even mentioning the way his eyes crinkled and how he tried to cover his smile._

_“I’m just wondering if I have to wait another three days to find out your name.”_

_“I hope not.” He said as he extended his hand. “Roger.”_

_“John.” He replied with a smile as he took his hand._

_John squeezed Roger’s hand and Roger lost the ability to speak for a moment, his hand was big and a bit callused, he wondered why. But most of all, it was warm._

They spoke the whole night and Roger found himself hanging on every word John said. Normally it was hard for someone to shut Roger up, he was opinionated and didn’t care if anyone disagreed with him. But with John he could actually have a real conversation. During their conversation they had several drinks and as the night progressed he noticed John moving closer to him ever so slightly. He touched his arm every now and then, brushed their knees together, and the smell of his cologne was enticing. He couldn’t help but keep staring at his lips and before he knew it, he had John pressed up against the wall outside the bar.

_The kiss started slow, Roger pressed himself against John and he heard a gasp escape his lips. He leaned in to finally kiss those lips he had been staring at all night. He eagerly kissed him and John moved a hand to tangle in Rogers hair, pulling on the ends ever so slightly. It made Roger let out a soft moan against John’s lips, which gave John the opportunity to deepen the kiss, which Roger easily took advantage of. Soon they were eagerly making out against the wall like a couple of teenagers, John’s hand slipping under Roger’s jacket and shirt, running his nails over his back as Roger kissed his neck._

_Roger shivered as he heard John moan softly as he left open mouth kisses all over his neck, his hands caressing John’s sides. He almost didn’t hear him when John said his name, his voice lower than before._

_“Roger?”_

_“Hmm?” Roger hummed against his skin as he left another kiss, before he looked up to look at John._

_“You want to come over to my place?” John asked almost shyly._

Roger sighed as he thought about that night, he looked at the whiskey in front of him, swirling the liquid around the glass just as he had that night when he first saw John. He hadn’t taken one sip yet, he thought about what happened just an hour before. He knew he made a mistake, knew it the moment he left the house. He was shocked when he saw the little girl, she looked just like John, same eyes and same colour hair, wavy brown. Unmistakably his daughter. He wasn’t mad at John, not at all. He was angry at himself because he did what he always did; he ran away.

He still looked at the drink in his hand before putting it back on the bar, he put a couple of quid next to it and got up. He didn’t want to throw this away, he wasn’t sure John would still want to speak to him, but he would try and make it right. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just for the record: In this story John is a single dad, this in no way represents any of his real children, she is completely made up in this.


End file.
